The deeper I get into doing this, the deeper it gets. We’re not just talking about sex…we’re talking about life. The lives of people who are often seen but not heard. The lives of people whose basic needs have been met but the more intricate, sensitive needs remain untouched in many cases. So much so that we feel uncomfortable touching it ourselves.


For all intents and purposes, I am the LAID lady. I have that talk show about sex for the disabled. Not really. We’re not only talking about sex. We’re talking about issues that remain on the table once our medical needs have been met and our equipment has been ordered and our services have been fulfilled. There is no prescription that a doctor can write for you to find someone to share your life.

I’m going to honestly admit that the thought of being old and alone with only an aide to check on me scares the shit out of me. It breaks my heart when I hear of such things. The thought of no one calling or even caring to call. No one to laugh and share with…It’s all a real concern. Yeah, I have family, but sometimes disability becomes liability. Your disability becomes the forefront and focus of your relationship. That’s not how I wish to live the rest of my life.

So, what am I looking for? I guess it can best be explained as Intimacy.  Not just sex. I’m talking about intimacy where you can unabashedly strip your soul down to nakedness and bare all and its met with the same. Intimacy when a touch or embrace doesn’t always lead to sex but it definitely means “I love you”.

I look at my life as a journey. As I set out to the end of my journey I would rather not walk (well, roll) it alone. As I approach that last mile mark, if it is alone, I’d like to look back and find that my path merged with others and together we traveled in love, laughter, respect and kindness.

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One thought on “THE JOURNEY

  1. Thank U for placing into words my hearts desire… I struggle with relationships… I fear being alone… Although my disability is not visible at first glance, it is there. I long for intimacy, I wish for companionship, I desire to be touched physically and mentally, and when time comes, to journey into the next life, I want to leave this life knowing I loved and was loved intimately even until my last day. Right now, outside of my children, I don’t have that. I believe folks (men-folks) fear the consequences of my disability. The inevitableness of what will come eventually, then maybe it’s me, always desiring to be the asset and not the liability… Hummm? Thank U for this post.


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